I hate you.
Dear FOX Network,
Please give Conan O'brien sufficient funds to start a new show on your network. I've watched The Cone Zone for 9 years now and he's never disappointed (except for a certain bear costume). I've seen him live in New York twice and even shook his hand (it felt like a little girl's hand). I adore him for bringing me Michael McDonald's Summer Camp, Cactus Chef playing "we didn't start the fire" on the flute, and Dudez-a-Plenti.
If you bring him back, I promise I'll forgive you for American Idol and start watching your network. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (shaped like Conan's big head).